I’ve been sitting with my finger poised over the “publish” button for 30 minutes. If you’re reading this, I finally decided to press it.
I’m not in the habit of going on rants here at Making Mediation Your Day Job, but the time has come to call out some of you whose sense of entitlement to my time and know-how goes way beyond the pale. Shrugging some of you off isn’t working anymore and your numbers seem to be increasing.
Not usually a fan of taking time for the 5% of readers who can be aggravating when 95% of you are completely fabulous, I’m driven to distraction today by the 7th – 7th! – message that went something like this (I’ve copied this one verbatim and in its entirety):
I read your blog and need some more information from you about marketing my mediation practice, which I started 18 months ago and isn’t making me enough money yet.
- Should I blog? Everyone says I should blog and get on Facebook.
- What should I blog about?
- Do you think a target market of supply chain businesses is a good idea (my background is in supply chain management)?
- What is the maximum you think I can get away with per hour?
- I also need some more training. Where can I get good training in [city]?
How to approach a blogger or author with your questions and requests
Most of us had mothers who taught us the following. For the few of you who didn’t but want to succeed in business, here’s a primer:
- Begin your message (phone or email or contact form) with a greeting. “Dear Tammy,” “Hi, Tammy, and even “Hey there, Tammy” all work quite well and take you exactly 4 more seconds to type.
- Somewhere near the beginning of your message use the word “please.”
- Near the end of the message use the words, “thank you.”
- When you receive a reply, which was done as a favor and courtesy, write back with a brief note of thanks. Silence in response to another person spending time helping you gratis just isn’t remotely acceptable.
- If you’re asking for a reply that will take more than 2 minutes of the other person’s time, add something akin to, “I know I’m asking for information/feedback/help that will likely require more than a quick response. I want to be sensitive to the many demands on your time, so please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s something I can do in return for the generosity of your time.” Just leave the attitude of entitlement completely out of your message.
For the 95% of you with great manners, I hope you’ll continue to contact me with your questions and I’ll do my best to help you find answers. I love that you’re there. For the other 5% of you, I’ll send a copy of this post in reply to your message.
Making Mediation Your Day Job by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at MakingMediationYourDayJob.com.
Damn system couldn't locate related posts
For mediators: The best way to get help from a blogger http://goo.gl/fb/3A17
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @tammylenski: For mediators: The best way to get help from a blogger http://goo.gl/fb/3A17
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
RT @tammylenski: For mediators: The best way to get help from a blogger http://goo.gl/fb/3A17
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Tammy, I have to say that I think you are a gift to the world of mediation, and the world in general, for that matter. A big thank you!
Stuart
Tammy, I am amazed at some of the similar email I get from people with the same issues and worse. I’ve received emails from people seeking employment and their email has typos and grammatical mistakes. Why would I ever hire someone who does that?
Courtesy and professionalism seems to be dead.
Thanks to all for the retweets.
And Stuart, your comments are so kind, particularly meaningful to me because I wrestled so much with the decision to go ahead and post something that felt less than kind but still important.
Marvin, I think you and I are not alone — I’ve had several conversations with other colleagues experiencing similar kinds of things. And for the first time in 12 years of business, I’m finding prospective clients who requested a proposal never even bothering to acknowledge receipt or let me know they’ve decided not to proceed — just silence. It’s new to me and troubling — feels very discourteous and unprofessional, but I wonder if people are stretched so thin sometimes that courtesy gets tossed first.
RT @tammylenski The best way to get help from a blogger http://bit.ly/9g7kZS
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Hey Tammy, I’m glad you decided to post this. I think that there are many people that need to read this blog post just as a reminder to people’s time and efforts that they do for others (in addition to the workload of blogging!). Thank you for all you do, and the many blogs that you post!
Tammy, doesn’t this whole thing really relate to the spirit of mediation- listening, acknowledging, thanking, trying to get out of your own stuff? I guess people get into this field for different reasons, but all the people in the field who I look up to are enormously respectful, and they seem to hold life mostly with a big heart. They live the spirit of mediation.
Thanks,
Stuart
Jason, thanks for the words of encouragement. I know you get this as a fellow blogger!
Stuart, I still remember the way my mom said it: Give before you get.
Tammy, you could have been writing for me when you penned this post. I’ve been feeling the same sense of exasperation. I have a page of information with answers to many common questions that I ask people to read before contacting me, and I notice more and more that people don’t bother to. They seem to think that it doesn’t apply to them. I’ve also noticed that people rarely bother to acknowledge my response and often dispense with things like my name in addressing me or the words “please” and “thank you” in the body of their message.
I warmly welcome email from visitors to my site, and I remain enchanted by the many wonderful readers who contact me with insightful questions or comments, but I’m growing frustrated by the increasing numbers of people who are simply entitled and rude. Thanks for saying what many of us who blog are feeling – and for the reminder about how simple but meaningful practicing common courtesy can be. Bravo!
Thanks, Diane, and Tammy, again. As a builder, mediator and consultant I kind of go back to the Golden Rule with people; If you are going to be late for an appointment or a scheduled call, make a simple phone call to say so; Do your best to put on the other guy’s or lady’s shoes for a mile or even a few feet; How do you like to be treated yourself? And so on..
I am doing some construction work in Virginia right now, and I have various Latino people working with me, including a wonderful lady painter, and they all address me as Mr. Stuart. I prefer just my first name alone, but the sense of respect is refreshing, and I let them all know that I appreciate having them and their good work.
Good discussion!
Stuart
I hear many people say today that manners have largely disappeared. What a pity, but I think it is never too late to re-learn.
Diane, I’m thinking the same people are making the rounds to both of us — exactly the m.o. you describe!
Stuart, the Golden Rule is very apropos here, yes!